Just realize
by stubborn-dreamer
Summary: "And now, seeing him again, it was like being back to the moment when the darkness almost won, and she found in his voice a reason to fight. That had to mean something." Avery/Nelson
**I named this shipp "Navery".**

 **I know that for most people this couple may seem strange or even absurd, but I shipp them since the first scene of the first season. *-* I always knew they would never be together, but that never stopped me dreaming and writing, and that way, I will keep writing!**

 **So, i don't want hateful comments! If you are intolerant of no-canon, stay away from my fics! But if you like or do not have problems with different things... Good reading, I hope you like it!**

 **This fanfic is called "Realize" by Colbie Caillat's song that is my "soundtrack" for this couple.**

 **I dedicate this fic to Jany17, my "Navery mate" with whom I always share my "Navery state of mind."**

 **…**

\- What's wrong with you, Nelson? - Elijah's question surprises him.

Nelson was twenty minutes working on the reassembly of a smartphone. The victim had been murdered, and the killer had tried to destroy her phone. Reassembling the device, the team tried to reach him.

He looks at Elijah, frowning.

\- Me? I have nothing. Why are you asking that?

Elijah opens a small smile.

\- I've worked beside you long enough to know when something is wrong. You know you can talk to me about it, right?

\- Yes, and I thank you. But there's nothing wrong with me.

\- It's Avery, isn't?

The tool he holds falls from his hand and knocks over on the table making a loud noise.

Nelson looks at Elijah with his eyes wide with surprise. He stares him for a while, then just returns to his work in the smartphone.

\- I'm sorry, man. - he says without looking Elijah in the eyes - I do not know what you're talking about.

Elijah just remains there in silence for a few seconds. A part of him wants to keep pushing, but he sees the great discomfort in which Nelson is, and don't wants to make him even more embarrassed.

However, he did not want to see him that daily agony without giving at least one advice.

\- Do you want some advice, Nelson? - Elijah touches his shoulder - If you love her, don't hide it from her. Tell her that. Life is too short to waste time.

So, he just goes, leaving a startled and thoughtful Nelson.

 **...**

\- According to the IP address, our target is in Denver, and he is active right now.

\- We're going there right now. - Avery says, determined.

Without thinking, Nelson grabs her wrist. She turns to him, frightened.

\- Nelson?

\- Be careful. - he shoots, his heart pounding - This guy is dangerous and ... just be careful, okay?

Avery moves her mouth a couple of times, but no words come out. Her face has a fiery shade of red, and her pupils are dilated.

Nelson would give anything to know what she's thinking.

They were friends, and their friendship was enough for him to worry about her. She never would think that there was something beyond that.

Right?

\- Okay. - She says finally.

He releases her wrist, and there is a current of electricity where their skin touch.

 **...**

 _"I'm kissing her. By God, I'm kissing her."_

Nelson's heart beats so hard that hurts. He feels his blood turn to ice, and his brain, to gelatine.

 _"If you love her,"_ \- Elijah's words echo in his mind - _"don't hide it from her. Tell her that."_

Like it was easy.

Nelson spent one week with Elijah's voice pounding in his head every time he thought of Avery. Every time he was in front of her, every time he closed his eyes to sleep.

All the time.

The idea seemed extremely tempting, but it was terrifying in equal measure.

How would he tell Avery he was in love with her? Often, he had chills to imagine her reaction.

Maybe she'd be angry. Offended to the point of never more have with him a normal conversation. Or maybe it was worse. Maybe she repudiated him and never more looked in his eyes.

As a result, every time he imagined himself saying the words to Avery, he felt a total and absolute panic, and the possibility of revealing his feelings became more and more distant.

Increasingly impossible.

\- It's totally clean. - he says, handing a notebook to Avery - I made seven scans and any viruses would have any chance, not even an impressive virus as ...

Avery takes the notebook.

\- You are impressed with Tobyn. - she says - All right, Nelson. He is indeed impressive.

\- Look ... I'm not trying to defend him or anything like that but... those codes, they are...

He shakes his head, as if he had no words to express his admiration.

\- He is good. - Avery says - He is really talented, but you are too. We would not have found the bomb without you. We would not have saved those lifes without you. We are lucky to have you.

\- Thank you. - he answers somewhat sheepishly.

She smiles - just the hint of a smile - and that's enough to let him out of his mind.

Had Avery any idea about what her smile caused him? She even suspected of how his heart seemed to want to leave the mouth every time they were alone like that, so close?

And again, Elijah's words echo in the back of his mind.

 _"Life is too short to waste time."_

Both looks hold firmly, and suddenly, the silence begins to become uncomfortable.

Avery frowns, studying him. He knows what she is doing: trying to unveil him through his body language. He asks himself what she is seeing.

\- You want to say me something, Nelson?

It could be now.

He could end once and for all with that overwhelming anguish. He could finally tell her how he felt, whatever her reaction. Regardless of how this was over, he would be free.

\- Yeah. - he finally answers, moving to Avery, dangerously invading her personal space.

Avery immediately becomes tense. Clearly uncomfortable with the sudden proximity, the smile disappears from her face, giving rise to confusion and nervousness.

\- You know, Nelson ... You can ... say me ...

And then, her words are muted. By his lips.

The moment their mouths touch, Nelson realizes that it is too late to repent. There is no turning back, then he just involves her face in his hands and deepens the kiss. At first, Avery is totally petrified, and he feels kissing a statue, but as he insists, she finally relaxes, and for some reason, she kisses him back.

And he feels touching the sky.

 **...**

The clock read 1:17 AM and Avery still had not slept.

After leaving Nelson alone in the office, she had driven to her home, taken a shower and spent ten minutes sitting on the bed staring at the ceiling. Finally, she had taken her laptop and begun to look for clues of her latest investigation.

Now, two hours later, she tried - to no avail - to sleep.

The truth was that, during all the time between the events, her body had not relaxed even a little. She was still trembling. Her heart was still cold and beating so strong as to smother her. The adrenaline was still running through her veins as if everything had happened a minute ago.

She could still feel the pressure of Nelson's lips on hers, the warmth of his hands on her face. She could still feel herself surrendering to the kiss, her head spinning, all of her losing in all of him.

Avery sighs for the umpteenth time in the last two hours, trying to understand how she had gotten there.

Since she had met him, she always knew Nelson was special.

Despite her disappointment with Tobyn, Avery was never afraid to believe him. Something about him gave her an almost irrational certainty that his past as black hat had nothing to do with his character. He was good, after all.

Time has proved to Avery that her sixth sense had not failed. Nelson remained firm all the time, committed to his mission seriously and honorably.

But it was not only his serious commitment that made Nelson special. It was not only his commitment to help solve each case, it was not only his satisfaction in doing good. It was simply himself.

Avery did not know at what time she started to feel different. She did not know since when Nelson became the reason for most of her smiles, and her heart began to race in his presence.

She did not remember which day he became the face she saw behind her lids when she closed her eyes to sleep, or from when he went to live in her dreams.

He had become special to her in a different meaning, and it frightened her. Much.

When she realized what was probably going on, Avery panicked and did her best to stifle it, to not think, to forget. But now it would be impossible.

When the tiredness finally won the adrenaline in her body, she fell asleep with the warm memory of Nelson's lips on hers.

 **...**

 _"Avery was injured."_ Elijah's voice sounds and resounds in his head like a painful echo _"She's in the emergency. Her condition is serious, her life is in danger."_

Life in danger.

Nelson feels his vision becoming dark, and things around him start to turn.

While absorbing Elijah's words, he remembers every moment of that day, trying to understand how things turned out that way.

 **...**

They had barely spoken with each other since the previous night.

Once he opened his eyes after releasing Avery's lips, what he saw in her face was not at all what he expected.

She was slightly breathless, and her cheeks had an intense blush. Her eyes had a fiery glow, and somehow she managed to look calm and distraught at the same time.

\- You better go home, Nelson. - she said quietly, as if she had not been kissed a minute ago - It's late.

And so she's gone, simply, without another word, any gesture, any rebuke. Nothing.

The next morning was hell for him.

He had not slept more than three hours during the night, and felt as if his brain weighed a ton inside his head. His friends made jokes about how he looked like a zombie, and asked him, with grins, if the night had been so good as to make him lose sleep.

He replied them almost mechanically, and his answers were not even remotely as sharp as in a normal day. He noticed some confused looks and raised eyebrows in his direction, but he did his best to ignore. He just had no energy to be the usual Nelson.

Avery had told him only two words upon arrival: "Good morning." and he responded with the same words, wanting to actually pull her somewhere where they could be alone, where he could try to explain to her what had happened the night before, and ask her to say something. Anything.

But he had no idea how to explain what he himself did not understand, and this definitely did not made things better.

Two hours later, she was leaving to pursue a suspect in Detroit, and he felt an anxiety out of the ordinary grow up in his chest. Something stronger and more oppressive than anything he ever felt before.

His will was not only grab Avery's wrist and ask her to be careful, as the last time. He wanted to ask her to not go.

He knew that it was not the slightest sense, after all, that was her job. But the distressing feeling got bigger and bigger by the minute after she was gone.

It was as if something were warning him.

And then he was there, waiting for news that never seemed to arrive.

He felt the movement of the hospital, the sound of ambulances in the background, the incessant talks of Elijah with the nurses, demanding news about Avery.

Nelson remained static, seated with his hands on his head, refusing to dip completely in the reality.

Avery. His Avery could die.

He could not say at what time his affection and admiration for Avery had become something else.

She had believed him. Thanks to her, he was using his knowledge to the good, rather than be in the prison. She had shown him that he could be good, that to do good things worth. Avery had become the reason of all the best things that happened to him. But at some point, his feelings crossed the line of simple gratitude and grew until he could no longer control them, and he had probably ruined everything kissing her like that.

\- Nelson. - Elijah touches his shoulder, drawing his attention. Nelson turns immediately to face him, feeling the purest fear freeze his blood.

\- What did they say? - he asks, feeling a sudden breathlessness - How's Avery?

\- She just got out of surgery. - Elijah responds - They said it was complicated. They almost lost her once or twice. She's stable for now, but ... - Elijah takes a deep breath - but the next few hours will be decisive.

Nelson can feel the pain in Elijah's words. Even though he was trying to be strong, Nelson knows that all this is killing him too.

\- Do you think she'll get?

Elijah tightens his lips, as if he feared the answer.

\- She has always been tough, isn't?

 _"And brave."_ Nelson thinks _"And stubborn. And determined. And beautiful."_

\- Yeah. - he replies feeling a twinge of pain in his chest - She never gives up on anything.

\- And she will not give up now. - Elijah continues - Not before catching the hacker who ruined her career.

\- I hope with all my strength that she can be strong this time too.

\- She'll, Nelson. - Elijah touches his shoulder again in a gesture of comfort - She will.

 **...**

The room was well-lit.

The air smelled of alcohol and cleaning, and it was cold. So cold that made Nelson's skin to tingle. But the kind of cold he felt did not come exactly from the environment. The cold came from inside of him, because of the scene before him.

The Avery lying in the bed in nothing looked the Avery that he knew.

Her skin had a sickly pallor. There were wires on the tip of her fingers and a large oxygen mask on her face. From the heart rate monitor sounded sharp and continuous beeps.

Nelson was used to seeing Avery in action, giving orders or instructions, chasing criminals and, in rare moments of calm, smiling.

The Avery from now was totally inert, with closed eyes, silent.

Nelson wondered himself if this was the look she had when she slept. It was easy to imagine her healthy and flushed, her eyes closed in sleep. He felt he could spend hours watching her sleep.

\- Avery ... - he takes her hand and realizes that it's hot. It is a relief to realize that at least that's right in her. - I do not know if you can hear me, but I prefer to think so. Look, I'm sorry for what I did last night. I never wanted to let you upset, I just ... I just could not help it.

He looks at her for a while - with the strange feeling that she will turn around and answer him - and faces the heart monitor.

\- I have no idea when it started, and I think no one ever knows when this sort of thing begins. You just ... - he pauses and takes a deep breath - One day, without any logical explanation, you start to watch her. You start to pay attention to small details about her, like the way she walks, the expressions she does when she is worried and when she is satisfied with something, how her eyebrows are raised when she's thinking too. Her smile ... - he smiles - You busted yourself trying to do or say things that steal her smile, and when that happens, you feel as if a bird was flapping in your stomach.

"Then, things get really bad, and you start to think of her. All the time. When she's close to you, you think about how beautiful she is, and strong, and brave. And when she's not, the only thing you think it's about how you would like she was. And then, finally, you panic because you realize you're in love with her, and you has no idea what to do about it. "

"Elijah told me that life is too short to waste time, and that I should tell you what I feel. I did not know how to say, so I just kissed you. You did not say anything, and really, Avery? I do not care. I do not care if you will give me a scolding and say I'm stupid. I do not mind even if you tell me to stay as far as possible from you. I'll be happy if you're good enough to say me these things. All I ask is please, please do not give up. I love you, Avery Ryan. Please, stay here. "

Nelson kisses her forehead and leaves the room when feels that will begin to cry. He inhales and exhales again and again, trying to contain the flood of anguish that threatens to crush him.

Outside, Raven is with her arms crossed, with a perturbed look. Her face is red, as if she had been crying recently. Once Nelson sees her, she walks quickly and hugs him.

The hug of his friend is like a balm for him, but a small part of his mind cares about what she will think to see him like that. Of course, everyone cared about Avery and were concerned, but his reaction was definitely more than the others.

As if reading his mind, Raven turns away and looks him in the eyes.

\- I know, Nelson. - she says rolling her eyes, being Raven after all - I know how you feel about Avery. Damn, I've suspected for some time. Seriously, it was humanly impossible not to notice your idiotic lunatic face when you spoke to her, or even when you looked at her. - Raven is almost smiling, which makes Nelson smile too - You should have a mirror in front of you all the time to see it. Seriously, it was ridiculous. You seemed to be on another planet, floating in space in another dimension.

The two laugh a little.

\- Raven, I ...

\- It's gonna be okay. - She says, getting serious again - Let's have faith. Avery will be okay.

Unable to say anything, he just hugs her again.

 **...**

Those were the longest months of Avery's life.

Back to Cyber Division after months, she was greeted by applause, warm hugs and smiles. She had not realized how much she had missed all of them until to be there again, and that would be probably the best work day that she would remember for years.

\- Welcome back. - A low whisper greets her.

Nelson is at the far side of the room, typing on a computer, but once he sees her, seems to forget what he is doing. He seems to forget where he is and who are the other people around. He seems to forget the whole world.

The look he gives her makes Avery tremble, and then she remembers his voice in the hospital.

Be in a thin line between life and death had been the worst experience of her life. By the time she felt like an eternity, Avery was wandering between consciousness and unconsciousness, fighting an invisible darkness that seemed to try to swallow her. She heard voices and saw flashes without knowing what was real or not, feeling increasingly weak.

Fight the darkness was too exhausting, and her strength was fading up every minute. It would be much easier to surrender to the darkness, to let it pushed her down, deeper and deeper, until she no longer felt tiredness or pain. It was enough to close the eyes.

But then, she heard his voice.

It was low and shapeless, as if she were listening underwater, but Avery knew that voice was very important in her world, even she did not remember why. Avery struggled to hear, pushing the darkness away, forcing herself to have force to remain conscious. The voice was sweet but scared, and it was asking her to stay, asking her to not give up. Among all the words he said, the last five she heard too clearly.

"I love you, Avery Ryan."

Then it all made sense.

As an avalanche of snow, the pieces fell into place in Avery's mind.

Nelson.

The FBI. Her career. Her name. Her friends. Elijah. Raven. Krumitz. Simon. Andrew. Hannah. All her life came to her in a flash.

Again Nelson.

Nelson and his achingly beautiful smile. Nelson and his merry and almost innocent way that fascinated her. Nelson and his bright eyes that lit up her soul. The kiss. Yes, he had kissed her at some point, right?

Nelson with whom she was in love.

It was very easy to admit that now. Now that her mind was wandering in space, now that she no longer had any more important issue to help her to escape of the truth. It was very easy to set her feelings, find them within herself and know what they were.

And she was in love with Nelson.

Then Avery knew she could not give up. She could not go the easy way and make the important people of her life suffer. Make him suffer. She needed to see Nelson again, needed to hear his voice again, she needed to say something to him.

A new and unexpected surge of power invaded her. It was almost physical, and Avery could feel her strength returning, spreading through her veins, making everything around more clear, more real, more defined.

After struggling for some time she finally was able to open her eyes, but when she did, Nelson was no longer there. She just stayed with the sweet and warm feeling of his lips on her forehead.

And now, seeing him again, it was like being back to the moment when the darkness almost won, and she found in his voice a reason to fight.

That had to mean something.

\- Thanks. - she replies, tense and emotional. A pleasant warmth grows in her heart.

Avery can feel the eyes of her colleagues - both among themselves as to the two - but she don't care. She takes two steps to him and hugs him.

Steeped in his heat, feeling his scent in every cell of her body, she knows she is finally at home.

 **...**

\- You know why I did not say anything, Nelson?

Nelson just stares her with alarmed eyes.

\- What are you ... What are you talking about?

\- Do you know. The day you kissed me, one day before ... - she sighs - One day before I was shot.

Avery can see how much he is tense, and she feels the same way.

A week had passed since she had returned, and her hope that the things returned to be exactly as they were before was going down every day. Nothing ever been the same since that day, neither with Nelson nor with anyone else.

They talked with each other professionally all day. He showed her things he had discovered about the case in question, she gave him directions of what to do next, and they celebrated together when things went right. She tried her best to pretend that everything was just about work, about put cyber criminals behind bars and save lives.

But no one was quite able to fool yourself, and she knew - as much as the people around her knew - it was more than that. Each person next to her - including herself - could see and feel the tension that formed when they were close.

\- In this regard, Avery ... Look, I'm sorry for that night, right? I really was an idiot, and I really do not know what made me do it and ...

\- Elijah told you that life is too short to waste time. - she pauses - And you kissed me because you did not know how to tell me what you felt.

Nelson's eyes widen. For a few seconds he is too stunned to say anything. Reading his expression, Avery realizes that he is somewhere close to despair, but underneath it all, there is hope shining in his eyes.

\- I heard every word you told me in the hospital. - she explains, feeling butterflies in her stomach in a way that she did not felt a long time - I was very close to giving up. I was exhausted, and darkness was heavy upon me unsustainably. I felt it would be easier to let me go, but when I heard your voice, I remembered who I was, and all the reasons why I should keep fighting. So I stayed, and that is why I'm here now.

Nelson remains blank, seemingly unable to form a sentence.

\- Avery ... you are telling me ...

\- I did not say anything after you kissed me because I was scared. As scared as you were. I felt I needed time to deal with it, try to understand what I was feeling, and I've had enough time. After everything that happened, after _your_ voice brought me back to life, there's is no longer any doubt in me.

Looking at Nelson, Avery realizes that his unbelief was gone, giving way to a deep concentration. His eyes are determined and insistent, as if trying to read her from her soul.

\- What you're saying is that ... You feel the same as me?

Avery closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She's scared as hell. Her heart beats so strong as to stifle her, her body trembles and the adrenaline rushes through her veins as if she were on a roller coaster.

And metaphorically, she was. In a roller coaster of overwhelming feelings she never thought she would have again, plunging into something totally new. Totally crazy.

\- I think you know the answer. - she whispers.

Avery gets up from her chair and begins to walk by her office, her back to Nelson. She can feel his eyes following her.

\- In that case ... - he says carefully - What are we going to do?

\- What do you _want_ to do? - she asks.

Nelson gets up and walks over to her. His footsteps echo in the deafening silence.

\- I think you also know the answer.

She turns to him. Her eyes are burning, her chest is burning, her soul is burning. All of her is screaming for one thing: he.

And this time there is no fear or distress when their mouths touch. It seems completely perfect and natural when one of his hands wraps her waist, and the other, her face. Her hands slip to his shoulders and hold firmly. It seems quite right that their lips are moving together in harmony, as if they were doing it for the thousandth time and not the second.

When the kiss ends, Avery's head is spinning. Her forehead is attached to the Nelson's, and their shallow breaths mingle, forming a unique and warm breath.

\- Are you sure about that? - Avery asks, breathlessly - I'm not an easy person to deal with. I am not young and cheerful as you. I have wounds and ghosts of the past that may be too much for you and ...

\- Avery. - he stops her - Listen to me. I love you. I want you fully, with your past and your wounds. I want to unveil you, to have access to every bit of you, and above all, I want to love you. With all that you are. Believe me, there is nothing in the world that I have more certainty than that.

Avery nods, smiling.

\- In this case, Brody Nelson - she lets out a long sigh - as crazy as it is, let's try.

He nods, but in fact he disagrees somewhat of her. He is a little more optimistic than her.

To Nelson, they will not just try. They will get.

But he don't verbalizes the thought. Instead, he just breaks the short distance to kiss her again.

 **…**

 **If you like it, write me a review!**

 **See you soon!**


End file.
